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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Betrayed And Dismayed's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, August 12th, 2004
6:07 pm
in order to maintain my freedom of speech, im making this friends only....let the game begin...the other journal will be the "clean" one.
3:56 pm
..sigh...alas there are other journals and AOL/Yahoo/Hotmail/AIM profiles...i'll play ball and edit this one...

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!

also much MUCH thanks to pretty much my world right now, ADRIANNA plus great people like Brittney, Jess 1, Jess 2, Aunt Deb, Cyndie, Kitty, NIKKY big time....you guys totally rule and i love all of you very very much....now as for the Jizzrag?....Karma will totally blow her away....Maybe she'll get a dildo stuck up her cunt at the sex party this weekend and her pussy will rot away. Whats the difference between Julia and a vacuum cleaner? The vacuum cleaner stops sucking after a while. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. Did i mention youre a fucking whore slut skank bitch lying sack of elephant shit cuntrag bitchass motherfucker? Well i just did. One more thing. FUCK YOU.
Thursday, August 5th, 2004
12:50 am
you know what? im not even going to dish on what that jizzrag did to me today. just know certain friends of mine have been told and thats good enough for me. 900 wasted dollars? sure that hurts....but what hurts more is that it was proved that everything vanessa said was correct. one of these days ill learn not to be so stupid and trustworthy. and besides, i know california nikky has my back.
Sunday, August 1st, 2004
10:25 pm
found some old floppies from my first computer back from '99 thru '01...including some REALLY old pics of Julia (even baby pics she sent!) as well as these poems, yours truly unfortunately wrote....i even amaze myself sometimes..

once knew a girl named Dessy
Whos bedroom became very messy
She said "my boyfriend is so dumb"
"He leaves condoms filled with cum"
"Right here on the floor"
"And hanging on the door"
"even on my alarm clock"
"There is traces of his cock"
So she picked them up one by one
And the second she was done
She called him up on the phone
and said "Im threw with you and your bone"
"The way I punch you and you flinch"
"and your cock of just one inch"
"Get out of my life"
"I will never be your wife"
"So come take your things cuz we are through!!"
"And your cum filled rubbers too!!"
The End

Date: 1/4/01 8:31:40 AM Central Standard Time

I think I'll call it "Ode To A Rosebush in Bloom"
I was driving in the car one day
When I got a pain in a peculiar way
I clenched my stomach in obvious pain
As on my window, came the pittering drops of rain
"Oh no", I cried, "What shall I do?"
"I ate too much, now I have to poo"
I drove faster as the pain got worse
Just my luck, I got stuck behind a hearse
"Damn you corpse!, Damn you to Hell!!"
Would I make it home? I could not tell
Just then it hit me "Why does this always happen to me?"
And sure enough, now I also had to go pee
I turned on the next block and hit the gas
Every car I saw, I proceeded to pass
"I wont make it! I cant hold it no more!"
And with that i pulled over and reached for the door
No where near home, I was filled with fright
But out the corner of my eye, I gathered a sight
In a vacant lot, about 50 feet away
Stood a rosebush in bloom, the wind making it sway
I ran and I ran as fast as I could
I got to the bush and over it I stood
I pulled down my pants, lickety split
As soon as I did, the rosebush, my pee hit
I knew what was next so I squatted down low
As soon as I did, the poo begin to flow
Diarrhea and piss all over the place
But inside my pants, there was not a trace
As soon as I finished, I hurried away
There may be a spy, so I didnt want to stay
I viewed that poor bush, now smelly and wet
"Well the pee will dry before the sun does set"
But what of the poo that litters the grass
"Well its better down there then up in my ass"
I got back in the car and unfurled a smile
"Thank God for that rosebush, or I'd be sitting in a wet mushy pile"
uh....the end
Saturday, July 31st, 2004
8:42 pm
im bored so i updated this ..

1 - Rigor Mortis "Rigor Mortis"
2 - Papa Roach "Infest"
3 - Iron Maiden "Iron Maiden"
4 - Tankard "Hair Of The Dog"
5 - System Of A Down "Toxicity"
6 - Iron Maiden "Killers"
7 - Badlands "Voodoo Highway"
8 - Accept "Restless And Wild"
9 - System Of A Down "Steal This Album"
10 - Metallica "St. Anger"
11 - Bad Religion "No Control"
12 - Judas Priest "Unleashed In The East"
13 - The Beatles "Abbey Road"
14 - Tourniquet "Microscopic View Of A Telescopic Realm"
15 - Mayhem "De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas"
Friday, July 30th, 2004
3:41 pm
Last Cigarette: i'd rather suck a dirty cock
Last Alcoholic Drink: again....cock, dogshit, elephant piss...pick one. tobacco & alcohol are crutches for losers.
Last Car Ride: in the Crap-mobile coming home
Last Kiss: Does a goodbye lick from the dog count? People dont like me. :(
Last Good Cry: they all sorta blend in after awhile
Last Library Book: i have enough books to read as it is
Last book bought: "The Salmon Of Doubt" by Douglas Adams
Last Book Read: same as above
Last Movie Seen in Theatres: Dawn Of the Dead
Last Movie Rented: i dont rent movies
Last Cuss Word Uttered: fucking
Last Beverage Drank: iced water
Last Food Consumed: pizza
Last Crush: i'm not even going to respond to this. no need to torment me anymore.
Last Phone Call: Adrianna
Last TV Show Watched: Simple Life 2
Last Time Showered: This morning
Last Shoes Worn: old Nikes
Last CD Played: Kittie "Until The End"
Last Item Bought: Dippin Dots at the ball game
Last Download: Quick Time Player
Last Annoyance: Annoying people at work
Last Disappointment: My lack of a meaningful life
Last Soda Drunk: Mountain Dew at the ballgame
Last Key Used: for the crappy car
Last Words Spoken: wow...out loud? um...i think it was to my boss "God, i fucking hate you"..youd have to know the context of the conversation, i guess.
Last Sleep: mercifully a nap when i came home
Last Ice Cream Eaten: the Dippin Dots
Last Chair Sat In: the shitty one with the back falling off that im wedged in right now
Last Webpage Visited: Jessica #2's which is where i swiped this (as well as her answer to this question)
Tuesday, July 27th, 2004
8:37 pm
ok, one more thing...i think tattoo artists tell people to use Preparation H on new tats just because they know its embarrasing as all hell to go buy a tube of that crap. especially when youre young. so i made sure to go in with my sleeve still all rolled up and my arm all bandaged so they could see its not for my ass. ....i swear its not.....really.....oh shut up.
6:54 pm
wanna know how my mind works? was watching the bleeding through dvd....got bored....said "why dont i go get another tattoo"....so i went.
3:44 pm
8.......more.............days........ARRRRGGGGHHHH....i wanna go to the zoooooo and the record store and the mall and the...AARRGGHHHH...I WANT EVERYTHING!!
Sunday, July 25th, 2004
12:19 am
you know what? maybe it is time. all the hurt and all the ...everything...maybe its time.
Thursday, July 22nd, 2004
2:59 pm
i'm just scared to be left totally alone in a place i dont know with people i dont know. am i wrong to feel upset and scared?
12:25 pm
well that was quick service. as soon as i post this, she e-mails me and tells me i can call her now..well...ok, so its not a "why me? everything sucks" post but its not a "phew" either. i dont really know what i feel exactly. this is where the split logic of my brain comes in...Section One doesnt care if she does other stuff with her friends, i mean it is HER life and im just a visitor in a small section of it. but Section Two says what the hell...im only there for 6 nights and in one phone call lost 2 of them. its a tricky thing. i mean i want her to be happy and keep a normal life and a normal schedule, yet its her that tells me this trip is about me and shes going to spend it with me and then goes and takes 2 of my nights away. granted, she asked me first which was really cool of her but i dunno....what did she expect me to say? to tell her no, she cant do these things? im a dick, but im not an asshole. so i wonder when the 3rd night will be taken away or maybe a couple of days. maybe im overreacting as i often do but i mean...im a total stranger there with no one else around me, which means ill have to spend (at least, at this point) 2 late afternoons and nights totally alone in a place ive never been. fuck, man...i have to do some thinking here. but on the other hand, if we go to all these places i wanted to go, ill be too tired to stay awake by evening anyway, but on the other other hand i CANT make those all day plans since shell be going...AARRRGGGHHHH...i need to just shut my brain off.
12:13 pm
so now i'm even more paranoid than i usually which is an almost impossibility. im sure its possible and more than likely probable all Julia wants to do is go over some basic things like arrivals, departures and crap like that yet somehow this e-mail has me absolutely panic stricken. so be prepared for 1 of 2 posts tomorrow. either a "phew...no worries" or a "why me? everything sucks, blah blah blah" post.
Sunday, July 18th, 2004
9:31 am
17 more days until the most important trip of my life....and now my hamster has gotten sick. what great timing. he's really old so i'm just grateful he's still around. they generally live around to be around 2 and sometimes can stretch it to 3 if cared for properly. my last one was really old. he was a full grown "senior" when i got him because he had outlived his brothers and sisters and the owner didnt want him anymore and he survived another year and a half after that until tumors pretty much ate up his whole body. he was oozing puss all over the place and was just generally lethargic but wouldnt die so i had to put him to sleep. :( Then i got Hamilton (whos already outlived his mouse friend Ralph). Hamilton still moves around somewhat but ive noticeed he slips and trips a lot. He never used to do that before and his coat has lost its shine and looks rather drab. His eyes crust shut everyday so i have to clean his eyes for him so he can see. The real bad part is he's started developing what appears to be a big tumor around the neck area. This little guy has fought back from things before though. Both his testicles ruptured about a year ago or so and turned black and oozed pus. I thought he was going to die from that but i just kept cleaning him everyday and somehow it managed to heal. I dont know about this one though. Im trying to remember how old he is and i really dont know. He wasnt a newborn when i got him and i think i got him around April of 2002 so figure about 2 and a half years old. But why does he have to get sick when im getting ready to leave? Great timing there Hamilton. Its hard enough to find someone to take care of my animals while im gone as it is, let alone sick animals that need daily care. If he gets really really bad, ill have him put down the day before i go. But i really hope i dont have to.
Thursday, July 15th, 2004
8:17 pm
Blah blah blah...I'm on a guilt trip because i had a slice of pizza for dinner...oh the horror! so i was about to wallow in my crapulence as i often do when the anklebiter calls me. as soon as the phone rings something tells me its her. so then im stuck on the phone with adrianna for about 2 hours then online with her for another 2 hours. why dont i seem to bore her? well, she is insane...thats probably why. i think ive really got a soft spot in my heart for that pain in my ass girl. she still needs a smack though.
6:52 am
somebody needs to get inside my head and tell me what to do either one way or the other. :( i'm not a very good free thinker and i confuse easy. and i've never been this confused in my life. i've also never been this depressed and that's REALLY saying something. something very scary.
Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
3:01 pm
is some fucking common courtesy to much to expect? god, just make this all stop already.
Friday, July 9th, 2004
11:06 pm
what is the way out? this will only hurt someone very very bad.
Wednesday, July 7th, 2004
3:53 pm
Not that anyone actually reads this but i dont care. It's my journal so i'm gonna put what i want. This is bound to annoy people but oh well, you know? So anyway i was thinking last night in my little fantasy world before bed and it actually turned into a real dream with those insane plot twists associated with dreams. And it comes down to this. The world is under attack. Usually my method of attacking pleibians are zombies and the like but whatever...here's the plot...EVERYONE who i have EVER talked to online is called to an underground bunker where me and about 40 or so professionals (doctor, dentist, chef...crap like that) are stationed as we are to be the only survivors. This place is unpenetrable to whatever things are attacking. So everyone on my buddy list currently or in the past 4-5 years are brought there. Hundreds of people. And the gist is this...I can pick 5 people to live in the huge bunker and be safe. 5 people. Plus i can pick one random relative as a bonus. So i got to be thinking about this. Does it sound easy? You try to JUST pick 5 +1 people to save and then have to inform the rest they are to be escorted out of the building to encounter the zombie thingies on their own and basically fight til they die. That makes it tough. But theres yet ANOTHER catch to this. In order to have 5 people stay, i have to personally escort 5 OTHER people from the online group to another room and KILL THEM. It was by gas pellets dropped in a closed room, but still. So now i have to choose 5 people i like better than others but also kill 5 more to be able to save the other 5. Now this gets really really tricky. And THIS is where, if for some reason, EVERYONE was to read this...people would get pissed. Well, so how do i do it? Think of who has hurt me the worst. Well, thats like 99% of the people there so that way doesnt work...I'll do it this way...I will think of EVERYONE i have ever talked to and pick the 5 to "eliminate" first....
Well, the first one is an easy one...since i'm a male, it means i'm vindictive so the ex-girlfriend is shown into the gas room. Bye Bye LISA.....Next? Another easy one although some would argue it's not really right to put her on this list but who cares. But it is a sore spot so no explanation is given and thats that. 2nd person in the room is HEATHER.....OK, so now i have 3 slots to fill and this is getting hard. Hmm...well, there is a person who i sorta got along with but now is just a raving political activist who i find very annoying. She's also rather anti-white so bingo, person number 3. Bye bye ALEXIS.......Number 4 is a painful one to make. You see, this person, when we talked, had NEVER fought or argued. Never. Not once. We got long probably better then i had with anyone else. So now i'm killing her. Huh you say? The reason is simple. She just left. Never said goodbye, never said anything. Just up and left, changed e-mail addresses and was gone....That hurts. But since i'm vindictive (remember?) that also means number 4 in the gas room is VANESSA. Bye bye....Last slot and this is the hardest one to pick. A LOT of people can fill this one...Let me think of who the "runners up" are. Well, theres SPANKO who up and left as well, FOADIE KRIS who, well, told me to FOAD, DANIELLE who totally turned into a snot who doesnt return e-mails....but i think the "winner" of the final death slot is...ow..this is gonna come back to bite me when i get to the LIVING 5 list...the final person getting gassed is TINA..Bye bye. Shouldnt have forged my name and e-mail address on those cards, kiddo....
OK, so let the gas flow...Now onto the relative i can save...Eesh...i hate my family. My mom's totally suicidal and even nastier than i am which is hard to believe...Wow...i guess ill have to pick the only other member who realizes our family is totally fucked up and thats LINDSAY...ok.....
Now...The 5 i pick to save from number 1 to 5......
Well..the first person i'd save is a weird choice. Because frankly we dont really get along much the last 2 years or so but she still has such a strong presence in my system that even when im at my maddest, i would never wish anything bad to happen so therefore shes my obvious number one choice...and thats JULIA...I mean i wouldnt want to live if Julia wasnt around so there you go....
Number 2...whoa..i just scared myself on this one..OK, first a story. Some people i flirt with on here, some i consider them friends..you know the drill...only 2 people have ever struck me as being like a "little sister" to me. Which means they annoy me by their actions and they make me nuts but, like, if anyone else was to mess with them, i'd totally go off on them. You know what i mean? Anyway my number 2 pick is a person who quite literally drives me insane and the only one i ever knew who tried to OD on Pepto Bismol (which i personally love the taste of and HAVE drunk whole bottles at a time). ADRIANNA. Drives me nuts...yet i guess i have a soft spot for her scatterbrain antics...I dont know..maybe im mellowing in my old age. Another interesting point about her and this is something NO ONE has gotten before. My biting sarcasm and sometimes assholiness. She "gets" it. She realizes it's just me talking out my ass and it doesnt effect her. She can apparently see thru the online character to the real person. And that impresses the hell outta me as like i said, NO ONE has done it before.....Anyway on to number three, ah...the original "Little Sister"..NICOLE...not really little anymore as shes turned into a woman but still, i feel somewhat overprotective. And apparently she told her boyfriend who she lives with now that i cared more for her and taught her more than her parents even bothered to when she was an early teenager. That actually almost humbles me. Anytime Nikky, anytime.....Next is number 4....well...another one who drives me crazy at times but one that ive known forever. She may not be the original NUMBER ONE person i ever talked to, i really dont remember, but she IS one of the first three which is kinda special. So the number 4 spot goes to JESSICA (number one)....last spot and i guess i need alternates here as well. Hmm...well there is KITTY, but i think she'd want me dead at this point for bumping off her best friend TINA so i guess she's out. Another alternate is JADE...real nice kid. We have never fought ever. The only other one i have never fought with at all besides the now deceased VANESSA. But we only ever really talk about American Idol stuff and how Asscurus is a freaky pedofile. Thats not a whole lot of bonding...Hmm..BRITTNEY has turned very weird and obnoxious, but she probably always like that and i just didnt notice. This is a weird pick because my number 5 pick to SAVE is someone who frankly, hates me. Nice pick, huh? Number 5 goes to JESSICA number two. She comes from a shitty homelife and just needs something different. She needs to find out not everyone is an asshole. OK, i mean i AM one but not like what she deals with. Plus, she actually hauled off one night and ripped me a new one for being a prick. That took balls and she gaines loads of respect for doing that. SO thats it....The 5 being saved are JULIA, ADRIANNA, NIKKY, JESSICA 1 & JESSICA 2. Relative being saved is LINDSAY and 5 getting gassed (but only so the others can live) are LISA, HEATHER, VANESSA, ALEXIS & TINA....
Wow, this is such a long post for such a meaningless topic. I'm out.
3:52 pm
This Live Journal Website totally sucks. It doesnt even work half the time...ugh...
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